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Toxic masculinity hurts men, but there’s a big difference between women dealing with the constant threat of being raped, beaten, and killed by the men in their lives, and men not being able to cry.
Robert Jensen (via quoilecanard)



I live a 30 minute drive from here and this is an utter and complete tragedy. My heart goes out to all of the victims and their families and I am hoping that they all recover fully from this terrifying act.

I am wondering, though, about the elephant in the room: white male violence.

With each tragedy and incident of mass violence perpetrated at the hands of white men, these discussions come up, although white progressives usually subsume them under discussions about gun control (which is also necessary, but let us not forget that white men also have disproportionate gun ownership in this country over other racial and gender groups). The Newton massacre was yet another reminder of this, and now again, today:

White boy walks into school (or other public institution), and goes on a rampage wounding or killing dozens in the process.

Why is this not surprising anymore? Well the facts:

70% of mass killings in the U.S. since 1982 have been by white men

Check out this timeline of mass shootings in the U.S. to see for yourself.

Many of us POC and black folks in particular wax long about this, but what if the statistics were reversed and 70% of mass killings in the U.S. were being committed by black men rather than white men? How would that not spark a national conversation about black male violence and also be used to pathologize black men as (even more) criminal and violent?

But at the same time, it’s so clear that the ways in which whiteness and maleness operates is by conferring invisibility on the subject. It allows us to give these boys and men the benefit of the doubt, when we would never do the same for a POC. It allows us to be willfully obtuse about the need for us to address male violence across all racial lines (due to patriarchy)  and specifically white male violence and their internalized desire to control their environments and surroundings, leading to these incidents of mass violence (due to white supremacist patriarchy). 

We would think that in a country where violence and genocide perpetrated by white men has been with us since 1492, that this wouldn’t be a conversation that we could somehow “miss.” You would think that with incident after incident of mass violence, that we would try to address the larger systems of domination (white supremacist capitalist patriarchy) which these boys and men have internalized, rather than deflecting immediately into an ableist discussion of their mental health. Addressing these systems of domination is an act of love and empathy for all people, them included, to create a society of love, compassion and mutual respect, where mass acts of violence like this are a thing of the past.

But, no, this is America. What do you expect?

Again my heart goes out to the victims and their families and I wish you all a speedy recovery in this difficult time. 

Also addressing a related issue that always goes unquestioned in the wake of these tragedies is why it is only these acts of violence in upper-middle class neighborhoods that are marked as tragedies, when dispossessed communities of color are visited daily by the violence of the state and a racist capitalist misogynist anti-queer society.

As my African American Studies professor noted, the media and these communities always say “Why us? This isn’t supposed to happen here”, with the obvious implication that such violence should only happen “there”.


gwen stefani, tragic kingdom era / live

I used to have this book!!!! All of these photos came from that book, I know this because they were literally allllllllll over my walls!!!

So…My Friend Proposed to Drusilla on Sunday…




Reblogging for alexa

Haha thanks babs.


having crumbs in your bra is your own little corner of hell

This is such a weird time in my life. I’m about to graduate college and it’s just like…what now. You spend so much of your life just working towards getting out of school, graduating high school or college or whatever end you choose, and then you’re done, you’re off to live your life. But it’s not that easy. My whole life I’ve been a student and now I won’t be. And I’m ready to not be for a while, I need that, but it’s such a strange adjustment. Now my identity is entirely different. And so many people around me are getting married and settling down and shit and I’m so not ready for that. There are things I want to do, big adventurous things, I just don’t know what they are yet or how I’m going to accomplish them. I’m not ready to settle down but I’m not ready to leave yet. I have my family and my boyfriend and my friends and my cats and I want to keep them all around me but at the same time I need to do something else. I need new experiences. I want to live outside of America. Maybe I want to stay in IT, maybe I want to do something else, maybe I want to eventually become a midwife. Idk. Right now I just feel in this sort of limbo. Not a student, not a life partner, not a career woman, not even really a roommate at this point. I’m not painting or dancing anymore. I just don’t know what I’m working towards. And I know now is the time to figure that out, but it’s scary. 

All of the schooling in the world can’t prepare you for the real world. 

I guess for now I’ll just teach myself Korean and bake more and read more and maybe get some IT certifications or something to work towards a job that I can move away with. And I should start painting again and maybe running to help me sort things out.

This weird melancholy of not having my life planned out is annoying. I should enjoy being free.


This is a fantastic infographic!

If only cheese weren’t so delicious.


this is so important.

you fucking asshole.

Puppy sitting Elliot’s lil char-char binks today.

But confusingly, misogynists are sometimes men who speak softly and eat vegan and say “a woman’s sexual freedom is an essential component to her liberation. So come here.” It’s a tricky world out there. And while I’d prefer a critical approach to gender from men I elect, read and even bed, in my experience, the so-called feminist men I’ve met deep down have not been less antagonistic or bigoted toward women. What I see over and over again is misogyny in sheep’s clothing, and at this point, I would rather see wolves as wolves.

"Stop fawning over male feminists" (via hereticswords)

will always reblog

(via clandestinecreatrix)

This reminds me very much of Macolm X’s view of democrats vs. republicans at one point in his life.


They’re evolving


They’re evolving

I just do not understand the need for so many EXO fans to write gay fan fiction. Like what is the deal. Why is this a thing that so many teenage girls want. Wai.